A Year Later

I re-tightened yesterday and just realized as I was uploading these pictures that it has been about a year since I braided my hair up and started the re-locking journey! Wow!

In that time I have contemplated taking them out and starting over, changing the re-tightening method, going to larger locks, and even shaving my head. I've been really frustrated with the time it took to do my hair, after having traditional locks for so long that only took me an hour to re-tighten. I have also experimented with some different products--wax, loc butter, gel, etc.


I have also cut my hair at least three times because I've gotten fed up with frizzy ends and unraveling braids. And I combined most of my locs, because I was really tired of spending 8-10 hours on my hair, even if it was only once every 6-8 weeks (on average, though I have experimented with timing of re-tightenings too).


All that to say that despite all the trial and error, I am happy with my hair. I have found what works for me as far as maintenance of my locs. You will too. Just keep the faith and don't give up on your natural hair journey!


Here is what I did for this re-tightening:

1. I washed my hair with Suave Clarifying Shampoo, then used a deep conditioner. I know there are folks who say not to do this, but I have found that I really need to. The beauty of black hair is that we are all unique--keep experimenting and find out what works for you!
   
2. Then I interlocked the new growth by hand. I have found this to be faster than using the Nappy Loc Tool for me. I don't interlock as tightly as I could because that really gives me a headache for a couple of days (and I am not tender-headed). Instead, I twist the small amount of hair at the root. I have found that this just makes for a "neater" looking loc. Yes, I prefer the "groomed" look. I use some Lock n Twist Gel, along with Loc Butter by Carol's Daughter for the interlocking/twisting.
3. I finish with some Carol's Daughter Lisa's Hair Elixer and Black Vanilla Leave-In Conditioner. When my ends get too frizzy (they are still "open"), I use either Carol's Daughter Mimosa Hair Honey or Hair Milk, depending on how bad it is!

My hair is locking very nicely. The size of each lock is good, and I have gotten the re-tightening down to 4 hours. I can live with that! My hair still grows pretty fast, but I don't think I'll cut it again for awhile. I'd like to get some length to see what I can do with it. Stay tuned!!

AAMC Minority Faculty Career Development Seminar

I just got back from a meeting in San Juan: the Association of American Medical Colleges Minority Faculty Career Development Seminar. If you are in any area of academic medicine, and are underrepresented, you really need to attend this meeting! Check out their meeting site here.

I had three goals for the meeting. I think I met them all, so I am proud of that. I’ve listed them below, along with what I learned and what my next steps will be.

Goal 1: Getting More Specific in my Research Planning

Before the meeting, I had begun developing a research plan. It was really not concrete enough, though. I had ideas about things I was interested in, but hadn’t really thought enough about how to turn those ideas into projects and actually map them onto a 3-5 year plan.

The meeting did two things for me. First, it really drove home the need to make this a priority. In one of the sessions, Dr. Cora-Bramble shared her experience putting together her portfolio for promotion to full professor. Another speaker, Dr. South-Paul, shared her experiences as a chair of a department, working with faculty who wanted to go up for promotion. If I am going to get through the tenure and promotion process successfully, I need a concrete and specific plan so that I can “make the compelling case.” My portfolio needs to be organized in such a way that there is no question that I should be promoted.

The second thing I learned related to this goal is that my plan needs to be realistic, and include a consideration of my own “social context.” Duh!! I am a sociologist! I study social context! This should have been obvious, but it wasn’t! One speaker said, “What you can do now is limited by your social context—your family needs, your current training, your experiences.” So, my plan needs to include an examination of those things and make room for additional training, or time for major life events—like the fact that my daughter just started her senior year!!

Goal 2: Demystifying the Tenure Process

This goal is related to the fact that at my institution, the tenure and promotions process is currently being changed. In addition, we have a fairly new chair and a newly merged department. Even if that was not true, getting straight answers about the process is darn near impossible!

So, I needed some advice on how to get the answers I need. At the meeting, I got some really practical advice on the things to include in my portfolio, with the caveat that I needed to know what was required at my own institution. I was also told to assume that those reviewing my portfolio wouldn’t understand or be familiar with my work. So, it is my job to provide enough information that I demonstrate what I do and why it is important.

Dr. Corbie-Smith suggested asking the chair of the tenure and promotion committee to give me information on the average number of publications and average amount and sources of grant funding obtained by folks who were promoted to each rank. I should also ask to see successful portfolios.

Goal 3: Meet other URM Faculty

This goal was simple, but important, as I am one of 2 URM faculty at my institution. There weren’t as many opportunities to really talk with people, but did I meet a lot of people. We are in similar situations, dealing with similar issues. I really connected with a handful that I’d love to stay in contact with.

Next steps

• I am going to spend part of every day working on my research plan.
• I will schedule a meeting with the faculty professional development person at my institution to start working on my portfolio.
• I will take a colleague who is submitting her portfolio this fall out to lunch to talk about her experience and get advice on how to plan for my own review. I will also ask if she is willing to share her portfolio with me.
• I will ask the chair of my tenure development committee to help me stay up-to-date on the process changes that are being discussed.
• I will send an e-mail to the folks I connected with at the meeting and commit to staying in touch with them. I will also commit to attending the reunion meeting in 2011.

My sister, Dr. Locs, met me there, so we had some time together with no husbands, kids or whatever pressing on us. It was a great time of renewal! She also really helped me think through all the stuff I was learning. I think that is why I was able to meet my meeting goals. Next year, she will be registered as a participant and I will be her guest!!

August Hair Update

It has been so long since I posted pictures of my hair! I just finished tightening it up and took these a few minutes ago. At the end of June, I got fed up with my loose ends and cut about 2 inches off. It is growing back--y'all have seen previous posts where I talk about how fast it grows--but still not as long as it was at my last hair post. A couple of things have developed regarding my hair.

The first is that I decided to join some of my locks. They were just too small and I was spending too much time on my hair for re-tightenings, despite getting faster at doing it. Even with fewer to tighten, this session took 5 hours.

Another thing is that I do have some bunching that I am just leaving alone. Because of the texture of my hair, even with braiding and banding, some of my locks would bunch. I am tired of picking them out. Plus, once I am locked up good, I will be cutting off the braided part anyway. As you can see by the pics, it doesn't look too bad.

One other thing is that my Nappyloc tool is too small now! Between joining some and others swelling--like locks do when they start to mature--I can't fit the ends into the tool. Guess I should order another one.


Update on my daughter: we've had ups and downs. Overall she is doing much better emotionally, although we did have a few bad days right before school started. She was really stressing about some things and ended up having a meltdown on the first day. She spent her study hall with the counselor and came home in a much better mood than when she left. As far as her hair, she has been working on taking out all the little braids I put in her hair. She has changed her mind again! I told her when I put them in that if she decided to take them out she was on her own--I spent 14 hours putting them in!!

My progress on the tenure track was derailed for a few months. I told one of my mentors the other day that I went through this period of feeling like none of this academic stuff mattered. I mean, by the time I get tenure, my youngest will be almost done with high school. I can't turn back time. I have to make them my priority. When I am at home I need to be able to be a mom, not a professor. So, this week I started making the most of my time in the office so that when I am home I don't have to worry about reading an article or writing another page.

And I am working on making time to write every day. I did pretty good this week. I wrote something every day, but didn't always do it for at least 30 minutes. As the alcoholics say, "One day at a time."

Mondays, Writing and Alone-ness

I am so tired on Monday mornings! I should be ready to get back to work and produce knowledge, rejuvenated from a restful weekend. I always start the summer with all these plans to get so much done. I need to be writing and revising papers. Isn't that what this academic gig is all about? Then why does writing keep getting pushed to the back burner?

Am I avoiding my academic writing because it's hard? I don't think so. I like to tell myself that it is hard, but when I actually sit down to do it, it ain't so bad. Once I am doing it, I actually enjoy it.

So what is it? I really need to figure this out. I have a sense of urgency--something a senior colleague told me is necessary for success. But how much urgency is too much?? I'm losing sleep over this, having dreams (nightmares) about my first review. That ain't good.

I have been proactive, though. I have to, to keep my anxiety over this tenure thang manageable. I participated in Dr. Kerry Ann Rockquemore's teleconference on "Writing, Procrastination and Resistance" a few months ago. A very good workshop that helped me realize that I really need to think about what is getting in the way of me making a daily commitment to academic writing. I've also been reading (over and over again) Dr. Rockquemore's book, The Black Academic's Guide to Winning Tenure Without Losing Your Soul. I'll keep y'all apprised of my writing progress in this regard in future posts.

On another note, this past week I went to the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation New Connections Symposium. That was both inspiring and a little overwhelming. There were about 100 (no, that ain't a typo) researchers of color. We had lots of time to talk with each other about our work. I heard lots of junior folks like me talk about life on their campuses and they were very similar to mine. My experiences as an underrepresented faculty aren't "in my head" or me being "too sensitive."

I think the most important thing I learned there is that I am not alone. I knew that intellectually, but at the symposium, I felt it. That's a good thing.

April re-tightening--series 4

And more....

April re-tightening--series 3

April re-tightening--series 2

More pictures...

April Re-tightening pictures--series 1

I took these today, but re-tightened last weekend. Still growing like crazy! I am posting these in batches--blogspot is acting wonky and won't let me upload more than 3 at a time....

Are you a "strong black woman?"

I have decided I am not. Or, rather, that I won't be any more. It is too hard.

I have had a rough couple of weeks on the faculty front. I am really struggling with whether all the stress is worth it. I feel like I can never stop working. That has been especially hard to deal with the last month or so because my daughter ended up in the psychiatric ward at the local children's hospital, followed by two weeks of a partial hospitalization program. Needless to say, I've been absent from my office a lot the past month and not working as much as I should be.

One of the things I am most interested in is mental health. Specifically, how being a parent, employee and partner/spouse affects our mental health. Black women have always done it all, but at what price? What is up with the "strong black woman" stereotype? I think that is what led to my daughter's hospitalization--she didn't want to share her feelings or cry or let people know how angry she was. The fact that she never sees me do those things didn't help.

We (black women) tend to wear our strength like a mantle. We wrap it around ourselves and hold on tight. We roll our eyes at the drama queens, wondering why they just can't learn to "handle their business." We don't talk about mental illness, even though too many of us know someone who has "bad nerves" or is "just crazy" or has committed suicide.

And by doing so, give ourselves the burden of not being able to expose the anger, pain, disillusionment, hurt without feeling like we are not being who we are at our core--black women who have struggled and overcome, continue to struggle and overcome.

At least that is how I feel.

But going through this experience with my daughter has shown me that she is the strong one. She was willing to ask for help when she needed it, instead of hurting herself. And she is learning that it is much harder to let all those feelings out than to act like nothing bothers you and everything is okay.

Now it is my turn.

March 2009 Re-Tightening

Here are some pics of my re-tightening, taken on Monday, March 2nd. I spent part of Sunday on the re-tightening after a good wash, then braided it while it was still wet. Same process as before, except I didn't need to wash with bar soap! Still growing and still fabulous!

On the faculty front: this week has been stressful, for a lot of reasons. Why do people assume new folks know the university policies and procedures??? Through my ignorance, I am finding out that the person who really runs the department is the chair's secretary (duh, Toki, you're just figuring that out??), who questions everything I do (behind my back) and goes running to my chair when "something is amiss."

But, e-mail is a wonderful thing, used correctly. I document my conversations with the chair with a follow-up e-mail, or make my requests for things via e-mail so I have a written response from her. So, the secretary's attempts at sabotage have failed. Still, it's an almost daily hassle that I wish I didn't have to mess with.

I've decided that I need to write a paper on the mental health of URM faculty, because mine is suffering.

The Tenure Clock is Ticking. What Are You Doing?

I am trying to write a paper!!!

But, I am having a lot of trouble because this paper is about CA-MRSA. (For those of you who don't know, CA-MRSA is an antibiotic resistant staph infection that you get from someone in the community.)

This is one of the papers I have "left over" from when my department contracted out my services to hospitals, health departments and whoever else was willing to pay someone to help them get research done.

One of the reasons this paper is so difficult is because I am not interested in CA-MRSA at all. Okay, maybe not "at all," but I definitely don't have any research interest in how and why people are getting CA-MRSA. However, the tenure clock is ticking, the data is here, and I haven't published anything in 2 years.

I came up with a mantra last week to keep me motivated. It is taped to my computer monitor. It says:

The tenure clock is ticking. What are you doing?

Right now, it isn't working so well.

I Got the "Itchys" This Week But It's Growing!

I got the "itchys" this week. Never had them before now. I used a little of Lisa's Hair Elixir from Carol's Daughter. About a dime size amount on the fingertips and massaged into the scalp. It smells really good too!

I am still loving my hair and always have my fingers in it--others have talked about this is their blogs too, and it is true! My daughter has been commenting on my hair more lately too--especially on how fast it is growing. I've included one picture from all the ones I have taken since October 2008 so you can see that she is right--it is growing really fast! I hope this will inspire her to go natural!

Tagged Again!

Okay, so I was tagged again. The last time, I didn't do a very good job following the rules, so I will try to do better! I am also taking advantage and posting more pics of my latest retightening--I really like the way my hair looks today!

Here are the rules:
1.Link to the person that tagged you..... I was tagged by HappilyNappilyNish
2.Post the rules on your blog
3.Share 6 non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself that have not been shared already
3.Tag 6 random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs
4.Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

I'm tagging

1. Sereni-T
2. Loc'd Lady
3. Wendi
4. Ayankha
5. Brenda
6. Tammy

Here are my 6 random facts:

1. I am currently teaching African-American History 2 on the web at Ursuline College.
2. I drink coffee every day and am a snob about it--I have to buy whole beans and grind them right before brewing. Despite their advertising, McDonald's McCafe options are not good coffee!
3. The experience of teaching medical students has made me more critical of the medical profession. I have a regular doctor--and you should too!!--but I ask lots of questions. It is a partnership, not a dictatorship.
4. My two dogs (labs) set of my house alarm at least once a month.
5. I work so much I have accumulated almost 8 weeks of vacation!
6. I am singing in a concert on February 8th, at a friend's church.
   

I Think I Finally Got It!!

I think I finally figured out the best way to do this retightening thang so that I get the results I want and don't spend the whole weekend on my hair. Let me know what you think about these pictures, please!

First, I banded and washed my hair thoroughly with bar soap--yes bar soap. I really needed to strip all the stuff out of it and get my scalp sqeaky clean--it had been too long between washes.

Then, working from the back, I used my fingers to do the interlocking--if you haven't seen Nubian Locked Princess' YouTube video on this, check it out--instead of the NappyLocs tool. I used a little of Carol's Daughter Loc Butter on wet hair. After the loc was as tight as I could get with my finger method, I used a little Organic Root Stimulator Twist n Lock Gel to smooth it down. I held finished locs in place with metal clips and kept a spray bottle handy to keep misting.

Once my whole head was done, I spritzed my hari with Carol's Daughter Black Vanilla Leave In Conditioner (my scalp needed the moisture after the bar soap).

The whole process took about 6 hours--much improved from 10-14 that I spent the last three times I retightened! And I like these results much better.

Retightening #3 December 2008

I retightened about 2 weeks ago, but didn't take pictures until today. I was way overdo for a session--I was at a conference in DC and intended to do it in the evenings, but my luggage was lost for two days!

I retightened a couple last night because I had some slippage. For my second retightening, I thought I might have retightened too much. My head hurt til they loosened up some in a couple days. So this time, I didn't tighten as much as I could have. I think I actually undertightened. Thus the need, just two weeks later, to retighten some again.

So, I am working on finding the right balance. I am also joining some of my braids/locks. After 3 months, I think some are just too small, especially given my hair texture.

I am beginning to wonder if it would have been better to interlock my hair (or have Sisterlocks installed), instead of starting with braids. I would have still gone to DIY. But the braided part of my hair won't lock, so I will eventually have to cut it. I did this with my first set of locks. I started with much bigger braids, though (only had about 100 on my head). Once my dreads were shoulder length, I cut the braid part off. It just looked really weird, especially after the dreads got to that mature, swollen stage. I don't think I'll wait til my hair grows out that much!

Another thing I am struggling with is the time it takes to retighten. When I had traditional locks, I washed my hair every couple weeks and spent only about an hour twisting the new growth with some lock gel. Retightening takes a lot more time. This last session took me about 8 hours. I think I may take some time every week to tighten, if I can manage it. We will see.