August Hair Update

It has been so long since I posted pictures of my hair! I just finished tightening it up and took these a few minutes ago. At the end of June, I got fed up with my loose ends and cut about 2 inches off. It is growing back--y'all have seen previous posts where I talk about how fast it grows--but still not as long as it was at my last hair post. A couple of things have developed regarding my hair.

The first is that I decided to join some of my locks. They were just too small and I was spending too much time on my hair for re-tightenings, despite getting faster at doing it. Even with fewer to tighten, this session took 5 hours.

Another thing is that I do have some bunching that I am just leaving alone. Because of the texture of my hair, even with braiding and banding, some of my locks would bunch. I am tired of picking them out. Plus, once I am locked up good, I will be cutting off the braided part anyway. As you can see by the pics, it doesn't look too bad.

One other thing is that my Nappyloc tool is too small now! Between joining some and others swelling--like locks do when they start to mature--I can't fit the ends into the tool. Guess I should order another one.


Update on my daughter: we've had ups and downs. Overall she is doing much better emotionally, although we did have a few bad days right before school started. She was really stressing about some things and ended up having a meltdown on the first day. She spent her study hall with the counselor and came home in a much better mood than when she left. As far as her hair, she has been working on taking out all the little braids I put in her hair. She has changed her mind again! I told her when I put them in that if she decided to take them out she was on her own--I spent 14 hours putting them in!!

My progress on the tenure track was derailed for a few months. I told one of my mentors the other day that I went through this period of feeling like none of this academic stuff mattered. I mean, by the time I get tenure, my youngest will be almost done with high school. I can't turn back time. I have to make them my priority. When I am at home I need to be able to be a mom, not a professor. So, this week I started making the most of my time in the office so that when I am home I don't have to worry about reading an article or writing another page.

And I am working on making time to write every day. I did pretty good this week. I wrote something every day, but didn't always do it for at least 30 minutes. As the alcoholics say, "One day at a time."

Mondays, Writing and Alone-ness

I am so tired on Monday mornings! I should be ready to get back to work and produce knowledge, rejuvenated from a restful weekend. I always start the summer with all these plans to get so much done. I need to be writing and revising papers. Isn't that what this academic gig is all about? Then why does writing keep getting pushed to the back burner?

Am I avoiding my academic writing because it's hard? I don't think so. I like to tell myself that it is hard, but when I actually sit down to do it, it ain't so bad. Once I am doing it, I actually enjoy it.

So what is it? I really need to figure this out. I have a sense of urgency--something a senior colleague told me is necessary for success. But how much urgency is too much?? I'm losing sleep over this, having dreams (nightmares) about my first review. That ain't good.

I have been proactive, though. I have to, to keep my anxiety over this tenure thang manageable. I participated in Dr. Kerry Ann Rockquemore's teleconference on "Writing, Procrastination and Resistance" a few months ago. A very good workshop that helped me realize that I really need to think about what is getting in the way of me making a daily commitment to academic writing. I've also been reading (over and over again) Dr. Rockquemore's book, The Black Academic's Guide to Winning Tenure Without Losing Your Soul. I'll keep y'all apprised of my writing progress in this regard in future posts.

On another note, this past week I went to the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation New Connections Symposium. That was both inspiring and a little overwhelming. There were about 100 (no, that ain't a typo) researchers of color. We had lots of time to talk with each other about our work. I heard lots of junior folks like me talk about life on their campuses and they were very similar to mine. My experiences as an underrepresented faculty aren't "in my head" or me being "too sensitive."

I think the most important thing I learned there is that I am not alone. I knew that intellectually, but at the symposium, I felt it. That's a good thing.

The Tenure Clock is Ticking. What Are You Doing?

I am trying to write a paper!!!

But, I am having a lot of trouble because this paper is about CA-MRSA. (For those of you who don't know, CA-MRSA is an antibiotic resistant staph infection that you get from someone in the community.)

This is one of the papers I have "left over" from when my department contracted out my services to hospitals, health departments and whoever else was willing to pay someone to help them get research done.

One of the reasons this paper is so difficult is because I am not interested in CA-MRSA at all. Okay, maybe not "at all," but I definitely don't have any research interest in how and why people are getting CA-MRSA. However, the tenure clock is ticking, the data is here, and I haven't published anything in 2 years.

I came up with a mantra last week to keep me motivated. It is taped to my computer monitor. It says:

The tenure clock is ticking. What are you doing?

Right now, it isn't working so well.