And more....
Thursday, April 16, 2009
April Re-tightening pictures--series 1
I took these today, but re-tightened last weekend. Still growing like crazy! I am posting these in batches--blogspot is acting wonky and won't let me upload more than 3 at a time....
Are you a "strong black woman?"
I have decided I am not. Or, rather, that I won't be any more. It is too hard.
I have had a rough couple of weeks on the faculty front. I am really struggling with whether all the stress is worth it. I feel like I can never stop working. That has been especially hard to deal with the last month or so because my daughter ended up in the psychiatric ward at the local children's hospital, followed by two weeks of a partial hospitalization program. Needless to say, I've been absent from my office a lot the past month and not working as much as I should be.
One of the things I am most interested in is mental health. Specifically, how being a parent, employee and partner/spouse affects our mental health. Black women have always done it all, but at what price? What is up with the "strong black woman" stereotype? I think that is what led to my daughter's hospitalization--she didn't want to share her feelings or cry or let people know how angry she was. The fact that she never sees me do those things didn't help.
We (black women) tend to wear our strength like a mantle. We wrap it around ourselves and hold on tight. We roll our eyes at the drama queens, wondering why they just can't learn to "handle their business." We don't talk about mental illness, even though too many of us know someone who has "bad nerves" or is "just crazy" or has committed suicide.
And by doing so, give ourselves the burden of not being able to expose the anger, pain, disillusionment, hurt without feeling like we are not being who we are at our core--black women who have struggled and overcome, continue to struggle and overcome.
At least that is how I feel.
But going through this experience with my daughter has shown me that she is the strong one. She was willing to ask for help when she needed it, instead of hurting herself. And she is learning that it is much harder to let all those feelings out than to act like nothing bothers you and everything is okay.
Now it is my turn.
I have had a rough couple of weeks on the faculty front. I am really struggling with whether all the stress is worth it. I feel like I can never stop working. That has been especially hard to deal with the last month or so because my daughter ended up in the psychiatric ward at the local children's hospital, followed by two weeks of a partial hospitalization program. Needless to say, I've been absent from my office a lot the past month and not working as much as I should be.
One of the things I am most interested in is mental health. Specifically, how being a parent, employee and partner/spouse affects our mental health. Black women have always done it all, but at what price? What is up with the "strong black woman" stereotype? I think that is what led to my daughter's hospitalization--she didn't want to share her feelings or cry or let people know how angry she was. The fact that she never sees me do those things didn't help.
We (black women) tend to wear our strength like a mantle. We wrap it around ourselves and hold on tight. We roll our eyes at the drama queens, wondering why they just can't learn to "handle their business." We don't talk about mental illness, even though too many of us know someone who has "bad nerves" or is "just crazy" or has committed suicide.
And by doing so, give ourselves the burden of not being able to expose the anger, pain, disillusionment, hurt without feeling like we are not being who we are at our core--black women who have struggled and overcome, continue to struggle and overcome.
At least that is how I feel.
But going through this experience with my daughter has shown me that she is the strong one. She was willing to ask for help when she needed it, instead of hurting herself. And she is learning that it is much harder to let all those feelings out than to act like nothing bothers you and everything is okay.
Now it is my turn.
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